Ever since Geroge Steinbrenner rode off into the sunset and left the prestigious New York Yankees in the hands of his sons and mastermind Brian Cashman, the franchise hasn’t fared too well. As the Yankees stand on the crossroads of 2008, riddled by injuries and personal moves that just haven't panned out, one could think old George would come back and try and right the ship. One could think a conversation between him and Cashman would sound something like this...

The Boss: Hey Cash-woman, what’s the deal with these guys runnin wild out here... I’ll fire the whole cotton nabbin’ crew are you effin’ kiddin me with the lineup we’re runnin out there, wheres that Japanese player I got years ago why isn’t he out there? Where’s all this young talent?! When are we bringing up Andy and breaking him into the major leagues?

Brian Cashman: Uh sir, I hate to bring it up again but my name is Cashman, and I’m actually a guy. Sir you’ve got to understand that now that you’ve officially relinquished control of the team to your sons and I that you’ve got to trust our vision of the future. Hideki Matusi, sir, is one of the most reliable guys we have out there, and our young talent is just really banged up right now. And sir, Andy Petite has been in the league for 14 years.

The Boss: You think I don’t know that Cash-douche!? I’m talking about Andy Phillips! Quality defensive player we could mold at first base and really be patient with his hitting. I don’t like that fat version of Mattingly out there now battin’ .250. And where’s that Chamber-pot guy we got? Doesn’t he throw 100 mph?!

Cashman: Sir we got rid of Andy Phillips many months ago due to his poor offensive production in the limited starts we gave him. That fat Mattingly is Giambi, we paid him $23.5 million dollars last year remember? And um, sir, I believe you’re the one who wanted to sign him after Tino left, remember? Even with his bad boy reputation and rumored steroid use? And then remember he actually admitted to using steroids? And had to miss time due to a mysterious tumor, and then had his sworn steroid testimony leak to the public? Oh and Chamberlain sir, the talented flame thrower we have, he’s well, injured… but he’s trying really hard not to be!

Boss: Damn it Miss Cash-girl who the hell is pitching for us!?

Cash: Sir I'm a boy, and well sir we have Mike Mussina, who wanted me to thank you for signing off on the insurance his Life Alert senior citizen alert system...

Boss: *%&#$!

Cash: …And we have Brian Bruney, Chris Britton, Damaso Marte, Edwar Ramirez and Darrel Rasner as well!

Boss: Damn it I wanted the names of our pitching staff not the Aramark concessions people.

Cash: That was them sir. We also have Sidney Ponson!

Boss: The drunk? How’s he doing for Baltimore?

Cash: No sir, he’s on our team.

Boss: Oh Cash-crap it’s times like these I wish Mariano Rivera was still alive.

Cash: He is sir.

Boss: Then where the hell is that balding bundle of joy?!

Cash: We just don’t give him many save opportunities as we used to sir.

Boss: I don’t get it, we beat the lowly Mets and that Al Leiter jokester in 2000, that was five years ago Cash-scab! Five years of torture! Five years of spending the most money in the history of professional sports to win a championship here in New York! Now I want some *&$%# answers! Where is that Rocket Man we had?! Is Michael Kay still on the payroll for spin control!? And what about Paul O’Neil?! I haven’t filled out a check for clubhouse repairs in a long time.

Cash: Um sir, promise not to get mad but, it was eight years ago.

Boss: Eight?!

Cash: Yes sir, eight. And Al Leiter, well sir he pitched for us, and now he works for YES. As does Michael Kay and yes sir he is being paid to praise the team at all costs. And well the Rocket, your majesty, he had some issues with steroids sir, and that Human Growth problem we had with Petite and Knoblauch, well it’s gotten him in trouble with the law, even Congress. Also, Paul O’Neil retired in 2001 sir.

Boss: Who the hell is in right?!

Cash: Bobby Abreu.

Boss: God bless you. So now I don’t know what kind of pitching staff we’ve got at all, not to mention what O’Neil’s stats are this year.

Cash: Sir Paul O’Neil retired. Oh, but, hey! Carl Pavano is back and pitching for us!

Boss: Who?

Cash: Carl Pavano sir! Remember you made me sign him for 4 years and $40 million in 2005?! He won 18 games in 2004 for the Marlins, he could definitely help us this year!

Boss: Never heard of him. Who else we got?

Cash: Well, your highness, Kei Igawa isn’t the 5 years and $20million we had hoped but he’s making some progress.

Boss: Damn it Cash-cab you know Chinese food gives me gas, I’m asking you about the team!

Cash: *sigh* OK, well we traded for Pudge Rodriguez sir! We got him to replace Posada when he went down injured!

Boss: We brought him on as a coach?

Cash: No sir he plays for us.

Boss: Wasn’t he the best catcher in 2003?

Cash: yes.

Boss: What year is it?

Cash: It’s 2008 sir.

Boss: ….

Boss: Torre is going to have a field day with this team.

Cash: Sir we, um, let Joe Torre go, remember?

Boss: Where the hell is he?! Who the hell is managing?! Don’t tell me Billy is back again!

Cash: Well sir Joe Torre left for the LA Dodgers and took his coaching staff with him, and well now we have Joe Girardi. Remember him? The catcher? And sir Billy Martin is dead.

Boss: This Girardi fellow I don’t know, but we better have something going on the horizon.

Cash: Um, we, um, well Melky Cabrera and Robinson Cano are great young talents sir, really coming along!

Boss: How’s Cano hitting?

Cash: .269 sir, but he started off slow!

Boss: And that Milk man you just mentioned?

Cash: Oh well, we had to send him to the minors to work on a few things.

Boss: Well then Bernie’s picking up his slack then huh?

Cash: Well sir you see we kind of let Bernie Williams go…I mean he didn’t have a good arm, and he really only hit for average after his power numbers and RBI totals diminished.

Boss: What!? Who did you replace him with!?!

Cash: Johnny Damon sir. While his arm isn’t that great last year he did hit .270 with 12 home runs and 63 RBI’s, so that’s something to build on!

Boss: So this Damon kid’s a rook?

Cash: No sir he’ll be 35 this year.

Boss: Hey Cash-loser I’m getting so worked up I’m going to have to force you to call Liberty Medical to replenish my diabetes testing supplies just to give me some peace of mind that Medicare covers it.

Cash: Um, right away sir.

Boss: We still got my son Derek right? How’s he doing?

Cash: Jeter your supremeness? He’s doing great sir! .293 average, over 70 runs scored.

Boss: Wait, .293? That young boy of mine is almost always hitting over .320!!

Cash: Well sir you see the whole lineup is really under performing this year, even Alex Rodriguez, and Derek Jeter is 34 years old now.

Boss: Cash-whore check that birth date he isn’t older than 26. And who the hell is Alex Rosenbagger?

Cash: Rodriguez sir. Arod? Remember we acquired him in the middle of the largest major league contract ever? Even after his relationship with Jeter had begun to go sour after numerous comments about Derek in numerous magazines? Oh but sir you should see him hit! No one hits a home run to push us from up 7-1 to up 8-1 in the top of the 9th like Arod!

Boss: Oh Arod! Right, right, the pretty one with all the hair gel.

Cash: Yes now you remember sir! Remember how we gave him a 10 year contract for $275 million with options that could push it to $300 million!? He’s like the best player ever! Remember that horrible call in 2004?! Remember how he beat out that slow roller to first in the ALCS against the Sox but was ruled that he slapped the ball out of the glove as he went by first?! Totally unfair sir.

Boss: What the hell happened in that series anyways?

Cash: We lost sir. Remember? Biggest collapse in baseball postseason history? And we lost game 7 here sir…here at home.

Boss: So tell me this jackass, what have you forced me to spend since the last time we won the world series?

Cash: Well if you count everything up, it’s well over $1 billion dollars sir.

Boss: Has it been thirty years or something?!

Cash: No sir, it’s been eight.

Boss: So then what kind of prospects are we working with right now?

Cash: Well see the guys we hung on to instead of trading for proven starters like Johan Sanatana, well they’re sort of injured right now. You see we thought that starters like Ian Kennedy, Joba Chamberlain, and Phil Hughes could carry us to the playoffs once again this year, even if they have only combined for 43 career MLB starts.

Boss: Cash-dumbass just tell me one thing, one thing and I’ll be able to understand whether or not I should still be paying you $2 million this year. How many championships have we won this millennium!?

Cash: None, sir.

Boss: Trade the whole thing away immediately! And God help me Cash-Nancy if you do not get me Paul O’Neil in here to discuss his batting average in the next half hour you’re fired!

Cash: *sigh* Yes sir.